Courtney Pulitzer's Cyber Scene® ~ March 13, 2003
>> Publisher’s Note ~ Endings and Beginnings redux
Apologies for the delay since my last publication, although the way things are, I’m not sure if anyone noticed... Continuing on with my theme from the last newsletter (which I didn’t fully reveal), but that which many of you picked up on already, of honesty, I’d like to continue in that vein.
Now, if you’ll indulge me...
I’ve told friends and family, "well, I thought 2002 was the year for "two," or "true" love." Boy was I wrong! So, after being swept away in a whirlwind romance and engagement, I have learned a lot about me and by “betrothed.” In short, the marriage was not meant to be, and thus, we are getting a divorce. These past seven months have been devastating for me. I feel as if I’ve been completely turned on my head and as if everything in my life has turned around 180 degrees from where it was a year ago.
It’s obvious, but took my “glass-half-full” nature to realize the cold, bleak fact, but after the market crash in April 2001 and then further devastation to our world, city, economy and industry after 9/11, my business, like many has suffered. I held on tight for a long time, believing in the value of the services I provided and the enthusiasm I received from so many readers and colleagues. But after a frightening Fall in San Francisco, I returned to New York City with eyes wide open.
When my plane landed back in New York, in the beginning of October, I felt as if I landed in Manhattan for the first time. And since I’ve been back, though mourning the loss of what I thought was true love and all the things I’d given up for it, I have never felt more peaceful in my birthplace. New York—for all its toughness, dirtiness, corruptness, danger and ugliness is a far safer place for me to be than where I was in San Francisco. I am home again, and I’ve realized this is the place for me. I love it here. I love it for all its hardness and for all its beauty, brilliance, drama, elegance, sophistication, late-night glamour, tantalizing-treats-at-all-hours, energy and all that this glorious city has to give.
Terrorists be damned. They’ll never break our spirit. And while mine is broken (temporarily), it’s good to be home for my healing.
Coming back to NY after leaving a broken marriage, I was able to realistically look at the state of affairs I left my poor business in, and its potential in the near and far term.
I’ve decided that my personal life will take precedence (for once) over my professional life. Prompted by dramatic changes in my personal life, I have decided to follow suit professionally too. Thus, I am taking a big break from all things I’d done for the past six years.
It truly is like another world, another life, a different time, a different person that I’ve come from. But I am enjoying this time of introspection, reflection, rejuvenation and recuperation.
I hate goodbyes, but this newsletter is at the very least, a long-farewell. I know I can have a great life and a great career ahead of me. But right now I couldn’t care if I lived out this wretched life in a simple, boring, uneventful way. I am sure my perspective will change once these life-changing hurdles have been hopped over, but for now—that’s it.
Grim, perhaps. But this is it. This is the real me. I’m tired of putting on the happy, excited, enthusiastic face 24/7 when I’m truly exhausted.
"2003: The Year For Me!"
So, going forward, what’s in store for 2003 for me? A book? Events? New adventures? There’s a world of opportunities.
One thing I definitely am planning on is sleeping a lot more. I’m sure you can relate. After six years of working 20-hour days and maintaining a lifestyle that was coffee on espresso with a shot of jet-fuel, a life of mellow, lazy, sleepy days is just fine with me.
As I’ve told friends and family, “2003 is the "Year For Me." I hope it’s a Year For You too, because that means that everyone’s getting to be themselves, which is the best way to be. I suppose this wouldn’t be such a mission of mine if I didn’t feel like I was really being myself for so long. But, however painful a divorce is, it has helped me see that I wasn’t being honest about my true likes and dislikes and that I’ve put on the "pleasant, happy, outgoing Courtney face" for too long and I need to spend some time being the miserable, mediocre, uninspired, unimpressed Courtney. So There!
Do I still have a few devoted readers? Well, if you’ve hung in there this far, then you’re in for a treat because guess what folks? That’s Not All! (R)
I will be hosting a "Cocktails With Courtney" soon enough, but they will be smaller and focused on just small groups of friends at a time. (Stay tuned)
What else can I say? 1) Don’t believe a man if he tells you he dreamt about you 5 years earlier because it probably means he’s unstable and psychotic. 2) Don’t believe a man that tells you the reason why he didn’t marry the woman he dated for 8 years and lived with for one year and was engaged to for one year is because "she wasn’t you." 3) Don’t let your parents talk you out of having a pet because they keep telling you "it’s a lot of responsibility." So, what, I can run an international business for 6 years but I can’t take care of a dog??!
Okay. Do I sound bitter? Sigh. Don’t let it distract you, because underneath this gruff layer is the same old sweet Courtney you knew and loved. So I put on a few pounds?! It’s cold out there! ;)
Alright. Enough of my sniveling. You can read more about it in my upcoming book "Pulitzer.com: The REAL story of the Cyber Scenes as seen by a Prize herself!"
Hee hee. Hooked yet?
Next month: The inside scoop of the amazing and must-attend Rhizome.org benefit. Get your tickets TODAY at: www.rhizome.org.
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