Friday, May 01, 2009

Newsletter "push" versus Facebook "push-n-pull"

Over the last few years I've been becoming increasingly aware of my pulling back from expressing myself online. A large part of it is related to the fact that when the industry quieted down, I got busy offline, and thus didn't have as many events to report. But then, there always were some things going on. And when the industry in New York, and other towns began heating up again...I just wasn't as compelled. Perhaps it's a bit of the "been there, done that." Perhaps it's a bit of the fact that I just needed to move on in some way.

Well, I have moved on for sure. In certain ways. For example, I moved to France to live with my boyfriend. And then we got married. That was a big move emotionally and physically!

And now--well, I guess I could say my next "move" is a move inside me. Literally. That is to say that by the end of the summer there will be a Courtney 2.0 wandering the globe. Well, of course, "Courtney 2.0" will be wandering the globe in a carrier or carriage with me for the first few years! Yes folks, my big exciting "cyber" news is that I'm pregnant. 5 months. Wow. I know. Even for me, it's major.

Perhaps all this "retreating" from my online identity was to help me solidify my offline one. Of course, I've always felt my offline identity was just as strong as the online one. But perhaps it was more of just giving me a chance to focus on my offline life, and let the online world go on without me for a few years.

Either way, I certainly have had equally significant results!

The other aspect of my "online identity" that's been bugging me is Facebook. I'm not sure why I feel like I can write confessionals here and not worry so much about what people think and yet putting a status update on Facebook (or Twitter) is just so nervewracking for me. Is it because of the instant feedback? Is it because I am more comfortable with the form I've been using for 11 years (a newsletter)(push medium). Is it because after everything that's gone on since the early 2000s (market crash, business crash, 9/11, divorce) has left me a still a bit burned and less interested in being "out there."

Well, whatever the reasons (thank you for indulging me in this inner monologue, those of you who have bothered to continue reading this far), I took a daring leap and updated Facebook with my new news.

I guess what motivates me is doing things that terrify me. I am sure there are articles (I've read a few) on the social implications people struggle with when using new, more immediate formats of social interacting. The homepages of old and formats like this newsletter seem pretty dated. And yet, blogs aren't compelling to me so much. Is it because I'm not interested in what people say? No. Is it because I am afraid of what people think about me? Not really. Is it because sometimes I just feel like there's so much drivel out there anyway, why bother adding to it? Or is it because I'm an artist-at-heart and I need a change to my canvas? Perhaps it's a bit of all of these.

Either way, safely ensconced here in Paris (with something safely ensconced in me), I am feeling a bit braver. I can't promise more frequent updates still (unless you want to read about baby's poop and spittle). But I can tell you, after years of talking about it and promising to do it--I have done it. I am working on my book. And I'm not asking for comments and input from people because I'm not ready yet. Perhaps I will contact some of you for specific recollections. But more honestly I will be plugging away, one day at a time, till I'm ready to make the next announcement.

Thank you for your time and attention. You may now return to your regularly scheduled distractions.